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The MeatEater Podcast
Ep. 367: Communicating with the Wives of MeatEater
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1h33m
Steven Rinella and Spencer Neuharth talk with Katie Finch, Janis Putelis, Jennifer Putelis, Brody Henderson, Carrie Henderson, Shelby Huber, Kelsey Morris, Danielle Floyd, Phil Taylor, and Corinne Schneider.
Topics discussed: Steve’s divorce rate statistics; how hunting and being away causes relationship challenges; Chester being away while Danielle is in her third trimester; examining the term “hunting widow”; how Jani plans to be a long hunter; Kelsey and Seth’s check in system; how Spencer lives in his hot tub; how Katie and the family sneak farm-raised meats when Steve is gone; Shelby’s nest and Spencer’s love of chores; smooth on the way out and smooth on the way in; the importance of systems; being on the same page; Steve’s 5-hour appreciation window; under-promising and over-delivering; the Rinella’s backyard pumpkin patch; and more.
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00:00:08
Speaker 1: This is Me Eater podcast coming at you shirtless, severely bug bitten in my case underwear. Listening to podcast, you can't predict anything presented by First like creating proven versatile hunting apparel from Marino bass layers to technical outerwear for every hunt. First Light, go farther, stay longer, tell me one of the machines on Phil, She was, honestly, Uh, you know, I just did a bunch of math in my head, but I screwed it up because I wasn't thinking about how Karen and Phil aren't married well each other. This room is full of married we are not. This room is full of married people. There's ten married people in this room. But I was accounting couples and I kind of filling crane as a couple, and then realize that that four point eight of us will end up divorced, not me, as my friend Ronnie wants. My friend Ronnie said, I don't want to lose half my ship. So you're making Danielle rubbing her belly. She's rubbing her belly. But you'll be glad to hear this. I just learned that. You know, everybody says half of all marriages end divorce. That's because like a repeat offenders. So yeah, the repeat offenders blow the statistic because every time you get every time you get married, you have a much higher likelihood of divorce. Like you if you if you get married your first time you get divorced, it's like you go into it being like, oh, now I'm gonna settle in for real. No, the next time, it's even better chances that you'll get divorced. I'm not going to mention names, but I know that a few that have skewed those numbers. But they think that they're they think they're like getting to the real one now, but they're not. They're getting there. They're stepping into hotter waters than they were in a minute ago with their last marriage. So I was, uh, what's what's this when you mean when you find out something good? Heartened? Is that a word heartened? I was hartened to learn that only four point eight of us, well, no, that's if you guys were married. I was harten to learn that only four of us are gonna wind up divorced. H But if someone said I'm gonna come in here, if someone said I'm gonna come in this room and shoot for you, I'd be nervous as ship. It's got to differ on like demographics though. Yeah, Indiana and Louisiana lowest divorce rates. Oklahoma of all places in Nevada obviously highest divorce and I would imagine that boomers are leading the charge on divorces. No, it's going to because younger people are getting married and not getting divorced. We're here, like Gen Z and millennials, living in sin before we get married, and so we like suss out whether or not it's gonna work where it's your generation was doing less of living and we're not boomers. Buddy, what are you why? X? I'm sorry, man, I lived in a lot of sin. Man. I know I'm older than any spencer, but come on, how far from being a boomer are you? Quite a way? I'm sorry, then that's not I don't know. What are you like? The greatest generation? X? Man? The greatest generation? I mean, yeah, I mean the great generation. I was like my old man, greatest movie music. The guys have fought in whiskey. Whiskey too. Yeah, boomers are about seventy ish. I think now you might be sitting there ask yourself, why are all these married people talking and why did this? Um? Uh, why did my thing that tells me I got a new podcast? If I'm a subscriber to the Meter podcast, why did it say, like, hey, you got a podcast on a not normal day, like right now. On Mondays you get um the show. On Wednesdays you get the trivia show. But now I don't tell day it is either way. Uh. Four out of four out of ten marriages and in divorce, two out of seven days will not have this podcast delivered. It's not Monday or Wednesday. Um. The reason that is is because we we have we struck a special deal with T Mobile to explain, as my lovely wife, he's never been on the show before. I feel like me not having a my own microphone is going to get real awkward at some point when I'm pulling the microphone away from you. Yeah, this this podcast brought to you by T Mobile, So we're doing a special one just for them. So that's why it's here now. Uh. And then the thing is we're gonna talk lead. Okay, you know what else I found out doing my my three seconds of research about divorce. I guess what the highest divorce months are January February January. Why January February, Seasons winding Down, Chickens come home to roost. Uh. So we're we're gonna we're doing a special episode where we have a bunch of people, UM, and we talked. We're talking about how not to get divorced because of how to live how to live an outdoor lifestyle and avoid the UM a travel intensive outdoor lifestyle where one or both participants in a marriage engage and activity that like causes a lot of being gone, a lot of things that feel extremely important that probably aren't that important, and just like a lot of marital strife, relationship strife, marriage or not. UM, I can tell you, I can tell you totally straight face that it has that that that ship, the hunting stuff has caused problems in my relationship, UM since day one? Explain that how is hunting caused a problem in our relationship? Just being gone and having like this thing that seems super important. You know, it's just like it just causes complications. You don't agree that it does. This is gonna lead into my this is gonna lead into the main thing here, my wife's lab my wife's speechlessness. When I said that the reason that we brought Spencer, and Spencer is gonna ask questions because this way you can like right. Steve's words were he wanted me to guide to see the talking points because he has a lot to say, which is good because it will make up for Katie and I want and as much so we have. We have five couples to talk about. And when we talked about this, we talked about we brought up a term that no one likes and that I pointed, I've never used my entire life, but there's this term like it gets bandied about, um, hunting widow. Okay, and then Spencer is telling me that Shelby grew up because you grew up an egg and you grew up with what kind of widow? Harvest widow, which sounds like a machine. It does. Um. I would say I had never heard of a hunting widow prior to this either, But harvest widow, for those of you that don't know, it's a partner of a farmer who essentially lives their life as a widow from September to November because their partners are gone. Growing up, I would go weeks with just seeing my dad and passing um. Even though he was only a mile or two away from me at any given point. Uh, he just had no schedule whatsoever. Um. And I think that's been the biggest difference between a hunting widow and a harvest widow is at least I have some idea where and when Spencer is. And the other difference probably is that there's sort of this like yet to feed the whole nation and like a lot of pressure. Yeah you know what I mean, it's like this whole like who can argue with someone like harvesting crops? Yeah, and it's just like it's like the most sort of foundational thing that can't be ignored, right, and it's so dependent on so many factors. Right. So my dad farms with his brothers, but then once they're done harvesting, he goes and he helps all the other family farmers and he's driving truck or he's uh, they're like bringing crop pots of chili over for their friends. And um, just because you're on on your land doesn't mean harvests. Why did you explained that, Because I think a lot of people be like, well, how big if a farm is he? But yeah, like they basically there's like one combine that serves could serve hundreds of farms. Absolutely, my my dad. They own their combine, but everyone in like twenty miles uses their combine. So it's everyone's taking their turns. And then once that's none, it's cabine. So there very busy. Then you're a cow widdow. Yes, uh Brody and um carry did you take Brody's name? I did? Nice? Yeah, only partially though, because she picks and chooses. You found, you found offense with the word, you take offense at the term hunting wid It just makes me cringe it just because it makes you seem helpless or what it does. It kind of comes with that that it just has that feeling of something that maybe I don't have a say in. It's like a sort of like, oh, I'm a helpless sort of you know at home with the kids. You know, everybody should sympathize for me, but I don't. I don't really think that. That's how I think of the whole thing. I mean, the whole hunting and outdoors saying is something we do as a family, and I don't know we do okay, you know, when he's gone. It's not a it's not a huge inconvenience I'm not saying that very well, but um, honest, is here with his wife, Jennifer. Jennifer had you had to take on being a hunting widow. You thought it sells, it sells guys short, Well, I mean, yeah, I guess you look at the flip side of that. And uh, when I leave for work, you know, I kind of expect him to hold the fore doown and he does. He does. Okay, there's no toilet skin clean, but uh, that's that's all right. You know, the kids are probably fed better than when I'm there, and they're alive, so we're doing doing pretty good, I think on that front. And no one says you're a work widower. No, that's yeah. And I did it to him for quite a few years left in the summer before we had kids. And then uh, Kelsey, um, our favorite wildlife artist is here, sans seth. Yeah, Danielle and I are currently being widowed. And Chester's wife Danielle is here very pregnant and is currently widowed. And uh, how's your Kelsey's an artist? Danielle as a photographer wedding photographer? Is that wine and dollar kicking ass right now? It's kicking ass? But I see a lot of marriages, and I see a lot of you know, that's my job is to see witness's good for your business. Do you do you go to something, Do you go to photograph some weddings and think there's no way these people should be getting married? Um? I think. I think, honestly, I've noticed in a couple of weddings that yeah, not just like oh, they shouldn't be married, but like you can kind of can you can kind of tell the connection and like, especially when I'm photographing them one on one, Um, it's just super you can kind of tell the couple that just are some I'm really bad with words, but there and like it makes it's just like I'm just there and I get to really document them just being themselves versus there's other people that still have chemistry but just need more guidance with like intimacy and like how to be intimate in a photo without being intimate, you know, in a way. So I don't know what that means. I don't either. I have also photographed some weddings, and I think one of the biggest indicators that I've noticed, Granted I have not seen any of these people actually get a divorce, but it's how much they fake it for the photos. Yes, you will see so much. That's what I was trying to get out. You can kind of tell like the true genuine like wow, these guys are meant for each other. And then also you can tell like maybe a year, maybe two years, right. And I haven't really experienced a lot of it because a lot of my couples have just been awesome and like very much there and present, which is amazing. But I have a question based on Steve statistic. Have you ever photographed a couple and then later photographed one of the couple with a different spouse. No, but I have photographed a wedding and then they broke up that night. So the night of the wedding, Yeah, it's happened. I mean like it happens like great reds. We have a great joke, man, I want to tell you about it so bad. I'll tell you the punchline. He's so drunk he thinks he's me. It's not funny when you when you tell about jokes and you don't tell the joke. That's his new things. You know what. I give those people props for that evening to know that you know what, let's not drag this out for a year or two. Like, yeah, I give him props for being able to party. Did everybody know that night that they were splitting up? No, it was very like what okay, But like I think that there was a lot of things that were happening behind trip. So you don't think it was because of the photography session. I don't think it was my job, no, but I mean I kind of called it. I just had a feeling because that there was something going on and it wasn't you know, it wasn't anything I could do to help it. Because a lot of times brides get nervous, which is normal, and I could kind of flip them. I can kind of make them feel at ease and confident that they don't have to worry about a lot on their day because a lot of people are more nervous about the wedding than the marriage, like oh my god, I have to host this party and versus like being more nervous like wow, like this is my person forever and like it's true. Even before Chester and I decided to get married, Um, we talked about our different lifestyles work. I don't hunt, but he does. And when we first started dating, he said that just so you know, this is my main thing. It was fishing and hunting because he used to be a fishing guy. So he was gone all summer and he's like, if you can't handle this, and I can't change. And so we went through a lot of tests, trial runs. We broke up a couple of times, and when we got married, I accepted him for who he was and I loved him for you know what he does. I can't tell him what not to do, and because then he won't be the same person, you know. But then I have my things that I love to do that he doesn't like. So we kind of like balance each other out in a way, So I don't I hope that was the answer to your question. You're not gonna like what I'm gonna say next, because it be very bad for your business. My advice to people getting married is don't have a um, I don't have a wedding. Yeah, weddings can be very stressful. I mean, I love allotments to like I photographed a handful of allotments, and I love the intimacy of like they still want to like have a really good they're there for each other, you know, not just for the party. Um, but I mean I do see I see both sides on that too, you know. Obviously for my job, it's I loved what I do, so I love being able to be a part of a wedding that's excited to have it be a wedding and not just be a party, you know, Like there's some Yeah, just getting back to the term hunting widow for a second. One of the main reasons that I have an issue with the term or harvest widow, and this some people might argue as overly sensitive. It's like when your spouse goes away for a week and someone goes, oh, i'm a single parent this week. It's you're not a single parent. Your spouse is gone. Um, it's really different than being a single parent. Being a widow for a short period of time is nothing like being an actual widow. So I find it, I don't know, mildly offensive. Even though I'm not a single parent or a widow myself. I do think there's something odd about the term, probably cause you're raised by a single parent. Maybe you saw a firsthand, like well that ship is all about right, It's like hard, yeah, for sure, And it's not that it's not hard to take care of your whole family while your spouse is gone, and while that support that you normally count on isn't there, but it's not the same as day and day out, year after year after year. That's like a completely different psychic load. Now. I agree. People ask that all the time, like how do you do it? You know? But I always have in the back of my head I know eventually he's coming back, because, like I said, we didn't do this. We were away a lot from each other before we had kids, and now it's kind of on me where I used to leave him for the whole summer and now, um, he's gone in the fall, you know, and then throughout the year periodically, and um, you know, I always know he's coming back at some point and I'll get a little bit of that load off. So it's doable, you know, it's a little more doable because of that. I'm gonna be a long hunter one day. It's what I'm aiming for, So I'm just sort of what does that mean? Hunter Steve Jennifer Hunter. The most famous long hunter that uh, most people will know about would be Daniel Boone and they would go on hunts that we're a year or two. If you can just wait for twelve years, that would be great. Wailers at it even work. A whaling trip would be two years. Yeah, no communication, Yeah, probably did. I don't know. Yeah, I'll point out that Boone when you look at when Boone was home and when he was gone, and you look at when his children were born, one ain't his. It's rumored that it was his brother. Never came up though. No, Okay, well I don't have to worry about that. Who don't have to worry about that? We don't. I don't know about all the rest of you guys, right, you're ready to do it? Yeah, for the rest of the show, We've got some prompts to go over. Um. I hope that this is entertaining. Maybe it's therapeutic. Maybe we could use that. Because when Karin started trying to organize this podcast, she asked all of us men in the room, said can I get your wives as phone numbers? And three of us responded giving Karin our own phone numbers, which is like, terrible, that's not true. You just read okay, yeah, I totally misread because I already had Jennifer's in my contact list, and I saw poo tell us and I didn't. I was like dyslexic, I guess and I saw I didn't notice that it would said Jennifer as opposed to Janice. So that was my problem. So then but two out of you put your own phone number and said who were supposed to me? Yeah, I'm curious to call yourself out, buddy. You wanted to like you wanted to vet it. No, I just wasn't thinking. I gave I said, here is Shelby's phone number, and I wrote down my phone anytime someone wants to hold my wife. I was having called him first if he made himself Shelby secretary or what. But it was it was Spencer and Brody, guys. Good job. So all that to say is we could probably use the help in communication. So the first thing is, on average, how much communication is there while you're on a haunted How does it differ like when you're in the bed country versus car camping versus staying in a hotel. Janice is someone who's probably gonna do all three versions of those. Is fall What is like a normal amount of communication? And I'll tell you Jennifer is shaking her head. I don't think she's going to agree with your answer. Will the reality there's like what it is and what you believe it is might be different than what it is. When it's been about four or five days and I go, you know, we haven't talked to down in a long time, and uh, and then I'm like, okay, maybe he's gonna call. And then typically does you know by four or five days. I have more reason to call now because my kids can actually like communicate on the phone. When they were really young and you're just kind of listening to Okay, you guys too, you know, but now it's cool because they're like, what are you doing? You know, what happened or whatever. You can ask them about school, but um, hedn't care to talk to me and see how I was doing exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I've got a few of those texts over the years that have been like, uh, you want to know how I'm doing too, But I don't. I don't know. I'd say probably any one of those, it's just gonna be a couple three days. Um. I like when I'm if I have satellite or in reach, is my only form of communication I use it for pretty much emergency port purposes or to let someone know like changing plans or that the plan is going to continue on as it is not so much it's kind of been I noticed this last time I was in Alaska just a couple of weeks ago. It was a tiny bit annoying. Again, I'm not gonna name any names, but every it used to be where like we had an in reach amongst the crew. Now everybody's got their own little mini in reach and you're sitting around in like beautiful Alaska trying to enjoy it, and you look around and everybody you're with is on their phones tech thing, and you don't kind of like really and because everybody's got the unlimited in reach plan and you know, whether it might just be I love you too, or am an unlimited in reach plan. This is going to be so revealing. But you know, somebody might be like trying to buy a house, right, and so they're like going through inspections or or you know, working on documents um. But yeah, it's I don't know, I like those things. Yes, Steve is pointing out for there like you could curse the technology and that it's like with you in the woods, or you can appreciate that it allows you to be out for six days instead of three because you're just like more connected to everybody. That's the thing is. Uh. Remember this doesn't have to do with trying to stay married, but it has. Buck Bowden Um a friend of ours who's a hunting guy in Alaska. He, like many people who have been in Alaska a long time, all have a very crystal clear idea of what ruined Alaska. If you go back far enough, it was aircraft, snowmobiles ruined Alaska. Uh. Now everybody's committed that his air boats. Air boats have ruined Alaska. And a tv s. You're gonna hear about this next week where you're going A tv s have ruined Alaska. Um. Buck Bowden told me that in reached devices are the things that have ruined Alaska. I thought it was a stat phone. Yeah, well sorry, because it used to be that you went and it was a ten day trip and you got dropped off or rode in on horseback, and he had his clients and they were gone and if they killed something on the first day or the second day or the third day, they were on a ten day trip and people could get lost in the experience. Now, some guy gets his sheep on the third day, he wants his ass out of their right now, before the guts are out of it. They're making the phone call. They're already fretting about getting an airplane in there to get him. So he said that I only meant, I only meant to count of the point that it could be. Let's look at it this way. It could be that there were things you've always wanted to do, but there was just like no way you were going to go do it because you couldn't get young kids whatever, Like you couldn't be out of the game for that amount of time and feel comfortable about it. But at least no one that like, everyone's alive, everyone's healthy. If something catastrophic happened, right, you know, that alleviates a ton of like it alleviates anxiety and unless you kind of relax in a situation that might otherwise be like really uncomfortable. Yeah, just having the ability to know you can, you know, get in touch if you have to. Is they're worth their way in gold, those in reach devices. I'll say the one the one time I don't turn mine on is if like we're camping this weekend, Me, Katie, the kids. I don't mean turn on because I had to text my buddy Dave something. Yeah, Like there's nothing that would happen that I would care about. I mean, I try to be courteous and send a quick one before I go to sleep if I'm out there, you know, like every five days or so. Yeah, Chester does. Chester doesn't have one actually, so when he's gone, he's gone. He usually will text me from tasphone occasionally like, Hey, how's it going. So what's a normal amount of communication than Danielle with chick, Like sometimes about three days like every other you know, every three days, which but I also know that on these trips they're busy, and I think also they just did a show at our house recently, and I got to like watch how they work and you are busy, Like there's just so much that I don't like I'm not at home, just like, oh, why doesn't he call me? Why didn't he text me hello? But being pregnant, I think has changed a little bit, like I'm more like, oh, god, you a check in a couple of days. I think that Steve and I over the years we've been together, sixteen years. Um, how I know, amazing forever. It was part of that living in Sin. Part of that two years was living in sin. It good for you. Yeah, we got what we got engaged is six months or something like that. Yeah, like like, wait, we didn't even know each other. It was ridiculous. Um, but he was traveling all the time. Yeah, we stayed engaged for forever. Yeah, we were engaged for We got married on the two year anniversary of our first date. Is very cute. We didn't plan it like that. It just worked out that way. But um, so we've you know, I've gone through periods of being piste off that you haven't been in touch, and then periods of like, you know, it's fine if you're in touch every five days or whatever. I think even more so than how frequently like the expectation is um of being in touch, it's more the thing that gets me is that Steve wants me to answer if he calls. He's like, if I call, I'm not going to have much service, like make sure to pick up the phone. It's like, well, how do you know what I'm going to be doing? Like I could be needy in a work call or with the kids or whatever. Yeah, exactly, Um, but that's part of it that I think. If there's anything that causes tension, it's the expectation that I will be available when he needs me to be, but not that there that he needs to be available or should be in touch on any kind of regular cadence. Kelsey, how about you, what's like a normal non communication with Seth? Um. Seth and I actually have like a complete system that works for us, and we like it took a lot of time to come up with this, and it's you know, kind of maneuvered over the years, but we do have a system and that alleviates like all of the stress over Um, hey, you didn't talk to me enough, Like we know what to expect. We set out our expectations, so umbook where Yeah, he like I am to hear that he is safe at the end of the day through his satellite device and I am too, um update him periodically throughout the day on if I'm like going to do something. And the reason why we have the system, I think, actually like our situation is kind of flipped. The anxiety of like safety and the other's well being is actually more on his end. For me, I think because I do a lot, like I do everything alone. I'm operating a public business alone. Um, I go do outdoor stuff alone without like a satellite device. So he's not checking that throughout the day. But when he turns on the satellite phone at the end of the day, if he sees that I went trail running and it's at night and I haven't told him that I'm bad, he'll know to like up to reach out to a friend and have them check on me. Like, that's our system so that we know each other safe. There's no we do not at all talk about our days, like when he's on a trip. There's just we don't expect each other to have the time to do that. But that's our system so that, um we know to Like, if something happened on a mediator trip, I would know whether it was him telling me or not. But if something happened to me at home, nobody would know unless he caught it right away because of our system. So, uh, this is this gonna sound a little bit fatalistic, sure, but no, no, I'm saying like like when it comes to communication, if you're gone, you're never gonna I don't think you're never gonna scratch, like the itch all the way. There's never gonna be a way, whether it's through an in reach satellite phone. Let's say you're in some way we have like regular cell service, and like everybody's tired, you know, people are like trying to deal with kids whatever. You're never gonna get all of the communication out of the way. So it's kind of like I just want to like, I just want to know, is everybody mostly okay, Like nothing catastrophic has happened because we don't amount a small talking. It's like it doesn't amount to it doesn't alleviate anything. Like you could small talk for five minutes and when you hang up it feels as shitty and incomplete as if you didn't small talk at all. Our expectation is no small talk. We don't. We don't apply that to each other, that that is the thing at all. We'll do that. We'll catch up on what happened when he's back, Like we actually don't neither of us take the time or want to take the time to do that while he's gone. That's our system. I disagree is not. I'm obviously the outlier here, but if Spencer is not texting me at least once a day. I am super concerned, probably a little bit mad. Uh, Like, if you're not dead, why the hell have any texting? You better let me know where you're at. I'll confirm that that's true. But I think it's also with like communication has become very different between different generations too. And here's an example. What I've noticed is that if I'm with someone who has kids, they are facetiming like every night, like that's what happens in place of a phone call. Shelby and I never use FaceTime. It's it's like FaceTime is exclusively for hunters that have children at home, and I just like don't notice that being used otherwise. But we use Snapchat a lot, like yeah, I don't know, maybe that a like, well, no, that old, But what do you do like on snapchat? Oh, it's no like actual communication. It's just like he found a piece of petrified wood or saw a porcupine and send him picture of the cats sleeping on the couch or on the couch. It's very exciting. But I think it's just like I know he's alive. I can see that he opened the snapchat. I know where he's at. Within reason, Um, it's not like full on chickens. But we get an idea that is, if you have service, if you're somewhere with the internet, yeah, I would imagine this room has a lot of face timing being zero really FaceTime that technology is like us boomers can't figure. Is a little younger right to be honestly, you facetiming your children? I mean he's gonna say, obviously, yeah, it's not every night, but when they're staying at hotels. Yeah, maybe one of the nights or something like that. Kids on FaceTime are so annoying. Ye wander around and then they'll start doing something intolerable to face time with my children. They're just yeah, our kids are talkers now though. They want to talk and they'll tell him exactly what they did today and exactly what they you know, what happens. They'll do that on my phone. But they like get a you know, if they see themselves on a screen, they need to add those dumb stickers whatever show everything around them, like you take a tour of the house. Are there any rituals you couples have while your partner has gone For example, I know that if I'm gone hunting for a few days, I'm going to get a ring doorbell notification that door to ashes dropping off food for Shelby. The Spencer is my cook in my defense, so when he's gone door to ashes, my cook, I fully support that. Yeah, thank you. Also, when I'm gone, Spencer, I get home and he's like a shriveled up little raisin that smells like chlorine because he's like lived in the hot tub for four days. That's good. I'll also confirm that is these you know, I'll speak for Kadian say that they like to go get farm raised. They like to eat farm raised meats while I'm gone. The first thing we do is we got a rotisserie chicken. We got some lunch meat. Was ever a secret, yes, but well not just more like eat it before dad gets home and then we don't need to talk about it. We have a friend actually here, a neighbor that keeps ham at her house for our daughter because she'll just go over and ask for a piece of hams she knows she can't get it at our own house, which is sad. Along the bacon he paraphrases, but I think it was something along the lines of like, yeah, one thing that nature cannot produce is like a nice oven roasted chicken. Yeah, bacon in a in a rotisserie chicken are like two meats. He'll allow to be brought in on occasion if it doesn't happen to me as much as it happens to Katie. But my like, if she's gone, I don't even want to say this to her in the room we're all learning this together. Is that okay? If she's gone. My goal is to make it seem like shit is tight, to make it be like, can't be that hard. So I bust my ass and I clean that house. People are bed super early, like ship is tight. It seems this is you think you've been sneaky about this, Like it is very obvious when they try to make it look like Christie, right before you got the house is spotless and truly you come in, he's kind of like, oh yeah, man, I scream at the kids. I'm like, you gotta get this place cleaned up. Everybody getting bed, your must coming home. This is gonna look like our program is tight. You've got to talk about the flip side of that that you mentioned to me before the podcast. Though, there's the flip side of that when you get home. Oh, I don't know. I'm gonna say this, and then I'm gonna be done talking about the subject. A huge problem in my marriage is when I get home, I kind of want to piss on the old post a little bit. And I'm like, who took the tools out and left him in the yard? No one ate the green beans? Why is this like someone did water the thing? The bird feeders empty? What do you people do? Oh? Yeah? Not? I mean that's just like the beginning. You're like, oh, and it seems like no one's hoping do X, Y and Z and what you know it, there's not a That's the other thing. I don't care about the traveling, but it would extra appreciation when you get home for all the things that have happened in your absence. He's kind of canceling out a good will he builds by making the house. I gotta be careful about going in that direction too. And then she'll be like, you've been on vacation for a week, and I'll be, oh, no, I haven't. I'm glad Seth isn't here. This is like so quickly turning into a couple's counseling sessions. Are there any rituals the rest of you have that that happened while your spouse is gone. One I just learned about when we were talking about recording this was that Shelby will bank up shows that she wants to watch that participated, and then those get watched in October through December. And so I learned that one, like just yesterday. Yeah. But then the worst thing is is sometimes I think you'll like them, and he won't watch them with me because I've already seen it. Like Fleabag, for example, I banked that one up and then I was like, you have to watch it, right, It's so good, you're you're gonna love it. And then he just sat there and played on his phone the whole time, and then I was mad, mine's more like a work related I know it's not maybe a good routine, but when Chester leaves, I feel like I could really sit down because I have to when I shoot weddings, like I have so much editing, like it's a lot of my time. But when he's home, I like to like we'll go out to dinner that's me not working, or we'll um, you know, have a slower morning together, so it's not me. I mean, it's me not working. So when he's gone, I'm like, oh I get I get to edit and just watch my chick flicks in bed, my air conditioner, and drink and drink. Well now it's now I got a drink sparkling water, not my beer. But you know, I would say it's funny because I look at it more of a work standpoint, like, oh, I can get so much done when he's gone. Yeah, the first thing I do is clean and organize the he and then he comes home and it lasts a second dump sold how when they don't unpack their bags from like Alaska, like Chester's bag from a while ago, but still downstairs, Like, well you're going to last again and unpack that one? Throw him under the bus. I can't believe South and Chester aren't here. We just we can really because where are they now? The basic we're going, Yeah, they'll they have two weeks to not know what we have to say. Yep, that's right, and they have two weeks are they said? Just don't throw me under the bus too bad? At this? When I told I was doing this, He's like, let's be careful. Are there any rituals you guys would like to develop that you think would would make these trips easier. One that I learned about myself was that I like to come home to like a very tidy house. And so now, whether it's me leaving on a trip by myself, I will clean up my areas, like the dishes are cleaning, the garbages out, my office is clean. Um. And we go on a trip together, I'm like making you clean with me for the last hour that we're at home. And that's something I would love for us just like become a standard thing we do when we're leaving home. It's funny you say that because Chester and I literally just had a grown up conversation. I'm about that this weekend because Kelsey and Seth went fishing and where was that beautiful? I'd have to yeah, that's right, Okay, they went somewhere beautiful and Chester really wanted to go, and I was like totally okay with it. But at the same time, I'm like, there's just so much stuff around the house. I wish you could help me because you're gonna be gone for two weeks. So we compromise and he didn't go fishing, um, but he actually did. His partner really helped out around the house, and I feel way better about him leaving now. I feel like, hey, at least he helped out. He stayed this week. Now I feel like I have a fresh start and bath Felicia, I think Spencer is going to leave this podcast thinking that he has it the worst. I'm worried. I am such a pig. When Spencer is gone, I make what he calls nests, and it's just like coffee cups and the blankets, and I bring all the pillows into one room and then I'm quickly scrambling to clean it before he comes home. Because he's a bitch for chores. I don't know why he loves chores on Can you teach Chester some stuff? Yes, it's it's reminiscent of like when I was a junior in high school and my parents were gone through the weekend and there's like a party that just happened to happen at home, and I'm like, I know their e t a down to the minute. Then that's how Shelby operates when I'm not around, because she's like scrambling to clean up that day. Danielle, how are things different this fall with you being very pregnant and Chester's still needing to travel for work. I imagine there are a lot more considerations when Chester is like planning a ten day trip to Alaska and meanwhile, you're in your third trimester. Yeah. Um, I will say it's different, but it's not because last year was a really busier also for the crew. I mean they were gone a lot, so I was already like, Okay, this is what I had to kind of acclimate to and like reference too, because I was new to him being gone so much. Um, but I kind of I kind of like we both just had like a grow up agreement about like, you know, put your head down to work and do your job and be supportive of each other. There's times definitely where I'm upset and like being pregnant, I'm like, oh, maybe not travel in the third trimester just in case you can't get around. But um, I guess it's not a lot as different because I'm I'm just as busy as he is. We both work really like a lot weird hours. So UM, I don't know if that helps or not, but I don't feel like a lot has changed. Maybe just being more nervous, like now that I'm housing a human. It would be nice to have him like, want to check in more on him, you know, and me? And is there any advice our parents and then would have for the expecting parents when it comes to navigating this part of raising children, Like Steve honest Brody, do you have anything for Chester and Katie? Jennifer Carey, do you have something for Danielle? Yes? Before before that's very important. But I think there's still a disagree meant that Steve and I have about something that I feel he did was egregious when I was pregnant with our first kid. Um. It involves Ronnie being going on a hunt. He ended up coming home early because I called him and basically said, I'm getting like, we're getting a divorce if you don't come home. I was so sick. And we know Ronnie has impeccable advice because he said he doesn't want to get divorced because he doesn't want to leave that. So Steve ended up coming home because I mean I was really I was really sick. Steve had been working. Um then this was a fun hunt that you went on and you came home, but you still feel that it was unnecessary, Like I was being unreasonable that I asked you to come home, just curious for a couple of reasons. I guess I feel that way for couple reasons. There was nothing now I was going to do that was gonna make you feel better. The other thing is that is so up, like we were just kind of dicking around, but like we've gone up through Maine in the hunt Grouse in New Brunswick, Like it's not. You don't just like decide to all of a sudden come home from there. I didn't all of a sudden just decide to get pregnant either, Like and it was I was sick when you left, and I just got madder the longer you were gone and the longer you were driving. But I'm just curious, felt more alone. I think that was bad. I do think now, looking back on it, that was bad. I think that. I mean from my if I were you, i'd be pissed only because like, also, when you're pregnant, you're it's not the guys won't get experienced it. Really, honestly, I feel bad that they don't get experienced what we experienced until the baby's there, because that's when I feel like maybe the men um connect more to it, but like growing a human. I mean, I've knock on would have had a really great pregnancy. But if you have a tough pregnancy and you're alone and they're gone, you feel even more alone and your hormones are all over like. It's just one of those things that it's hard for even guys to understand really what you're going through. So I think if Chester would like dip out for fun, I'd be like, oh, you're not coming home, and as it's in a body bag, you know, you know, when you're I don't know this personally, but when you're pregnant, you get a period where everything smells real, like like bad smith, like garbage smells horrible, like way worse than all that. So she was pretty pregnant one time and me and my buggy check this out there, Me and my buddy, we're gonna do this thing where we wanted. We dug this is We're in Brooklyn, and we dug a big hole. We had a backyard, and we dug a big hole in the backyard, and we're gonna bury a pig in this hole in the backyard. And we started getting this fire going good, and it looks it looked like a scene from like Bagdad, the black smoke coming out of this thing. And pretty soon, sure enough, I mean, three ladder trucks, fireman coming through our apartment. They're like, that's a great idea, but you gotta put that ship out, you know. So then we had this pig and we so we've been making this fire all day and digging this hole. And then we took this pig to my buddy's restaurant and cut it up and cooked the pig and pieces in his ovens. Brought him back home and I climbed in bed. She's like, are you honestly I'm not going to take a shower, that is you? Yeah, And he didn't. I'm going to that man. I still have yet to hear any parenting advice to get there, Like, well, I can't, like you know, as far as the pregnancy thing, I'm not going to weigh in, but like, we had our first kid end of September, so it was hunting season. Yep. Second yeah, conmly after he was born. I think he went turkey hunting the day after I got out of the hospital. Because like the first couple of months, there's nothing for me an, I mean we had a three and a half year old and a three day There's really nothing you could have done. There's just not much the guy can do for they're just a little little So you know, my my lovely wife did observe after a couple of months after we had our first kid, after a cup months, she was like, there really isn't anything like in the middle of the night, this is you know, you kind of get up, you feel guilty and you sort of stand there watching, you know, them feed or whatever, and she's like, there's you know, I just don't don't pretend. Don't pretend to be like helpful. I didn't have it. You're all tired tomorrow, just like sleep tomorrow in the daytime. Do the helpful stuff eventually, Like you gotta step in too, right, But there's a period of time whether's you know, Brodie, I am you are so wrong about this. You know, those first few couple of months, there's less they can do. Yeah, that takes a lot you would take care of you, especially after the nine months you already how's the human you get sup deprived? Well, I don't know yet, but I just didn't watch a lot of Blaque for going hunt. I mean, good for you on that, like that's a win. But your advice to Chester it is just like he doesn't need to be around the first couple of months, not at all. There's not a lot they can for the baby, obviously, but you can clearly clean and do other things that you're not doing because you're taking your time taking care of a baby. If it's like if it's an either or, and I don't think it is. We're talking about something that plays out over the course of many years. It's not like it's not like he's like, well, I'm gonna go turkey hunting now because then in six years I'll be more present. But since it's not either or, but I would say that, um, like our kids now are entering an age where I feel like, yeah, that ship becomes really important, right, like have an exposure to these different figures in the household and like putting all that together. But but it's hard to present it as a borrow, like like a give and take arrangement between the present and the future. You know, if you hunt a lot now, it's like you're gonna not want to go hunting later. You're gonna want to go hunt any worse later. Exactly, but eventually you'll take them both with with you. We're only like four years from that, right, and then I get a whole weekend long. Maybe that's what I'm banking that, honestly, is the only time, that's like the only time in my life that I feel absolutely like perfection would be that to be gone out messing around outside with all my kids, because then I like, I'm doing what I want to do and I don't have any guilt about not being being a good dad. Also, you're showing your kids, Like I think that's so important. A lot of kids now are like always just I mean on their phones or on their cell phones or on Twitter, Instagram. You bring your kids out. I even told Chester, I'm like, we need to be like that, Like, well, that's being a kid, be out in nature and you know, get off the off the grid just to be a kid and not worry about social media and like what other kids are doing, especially as they get older, you know, especially in school, like little girls, especially seeing other girls, although they're doing that, so I gotta do that. So they're out in the woods just not even not even acclimated to that. Like that's I think that's amazing, Yanni Jennifer, parents of two. Do you have any advice for Danielle and Chester you want to go first? Um. I guess probably one of the hardest things I think for the longer trips was because I stopped doing field work once we had kids. Um, because I used to do it, a lot of field work, and it was gone for full summers at a time, and then, uh, you know, once that flipped. Yeah, I was definitely unhappy for the first couple of summers realizing that that that relationship had changed and that you know, he was the only one getting to do the field work and a lot more of it. Um. But I think the hardest thing is definitely the back end, the front end and the back end of the trips, like the two days after he leaves, just because we do things differently. You know, I parent a little differently, I keep the household differently, I put them to bed differently, those kind of things. And then Papa shows up, what's up? You know the game? You know, I'm just gonna read you a book and yeah, exactly, and yeah, so that that's challenging. And I realized today that he had no idea that that was a thing because yeah, you said that to me earlier, that really there's a problem there, And I'll say, oh, yeah, do you guys see that totally? Yeah, you can teens and you're like patterns with the kids, and then all of a sudden it just gets It's not a bad thing, it's just a different way. It's different, yeah, doing things. But it's frustrating sometimes. I feel like the kids definitely act up on the front end, and then you know, yahn S will show up and he'll be like, what is going on with the kids? Why are they acting like because I'm a bad parents that's the reason. So yeah, that's that's one of our challenges. I think that that. I mean that just be aware. Yeah it's a thing, um and you know it's not insurmountable. You know, you can you can get get by it. But just know that it's tough on the kids. But I mean, you know, like he was saying today, there's there are plenty of fields. Is not hunting necessarily. You know, I'm an ecologist and when I leave for you know, a training for a week, it's it's tough the day before and they're like, mom me it's leaving, you know, and you know it's it's a little different kind of you think that's harder on them or harder on you guys, Like I think harder on me, I would say, than the kids. I think they're pretty adjusted to it. Like after the first day, maybe they're sad. Then they're all doing their thing, but you're like still doing your reach. And now they're at an age where they value it, like they know like dad's out doing cool things and they want to be there too, So there's a as they get older, it's easier to me anyway, it's good for sure. Steve's about to go on a trip tomorrow and I am really looking forward to the lack of kitchen grease, like literally, like he was like, oh, I know you're stick of me in my kitchen greases. He was walking around the kitchen yesterday. But there really is something nice about when you go and you're doing something you love and the house is in order in the way that I wanted to be. But I think Jennifer your point about being aware of that and being aware about the return to like we made it. We made a sort of a policy a long time ago that there wasn't going to be We're not going to make a huge deal. It's not going to be a big traumatic event every time Steve leaves. But then there can't be this big whoopie do party every time he comes home. It's like it's has to be normalized in some kind of way. When we first had kids, I would with I was going out of town. Um, I would sit in the bats up with him and cry, and she's like, yeah, pull it together. You're gonna you know, you can't be doing this kind of stuff. And she said, you gotta be like out kind of like smooth and come back in smooths, not like cakes and signs that so welcome home and ship. You gotta figure out how to get in and get out. No one noticing that. Jealous when I walk out those security doors, you know, and there's a couple of your kids standing around a little poster board. But no. But now they get up in the morning and they'll come down or come upstairs for preaktict and where's POPA, Yeah, he's on a ten day trip. Okay, you know eight and eleven now so it's much easier, but yeah, you still see, you know, some subtle changes. But when they were younger, it was it was much more difficult, but sorry, I'm gonna slip it in, but just some general marriage, parenting all around advice would be too. It's hard to see into the future, but they're just are topics that you know that everyone knows. If you're thinking at all about that, you're gonna have to discuss and very early on, like when you're just at the wedding, everybody's just all in love and it's gravitas and it's gonna last forever, but you just haven't even thought to discuss, like what are we gonna just say to him when religion comes up? Or is it gonna be public or private schools? Or there's just things that you could like very easily discuss ahead of time and don't have to come to a conclusion, but just start the conversation so that later you're like already kind of like you've been formulating a plan and maybe even coming together or you've decided that not we're just gonna you know, a parent differently on this one thing or whatever. But just like it's so much easier to think about it ahead of time than to like when all of a sudden, it's like the heat of the moment, you're like ow on earth do we not think that? Um, I'm trying to come up with a good example of oh yeah, like being shut We haven't. I haven't had that problem, but I see it with people like they're shocked at something they find out. Yeah, well we are like pretty predictable thing that would come up, you know what I mean, Like like you're saying, like like private school or something. You know, So how how did like sort of like the rough outline of that not come up? And all the years prior and that was so important to you? You know. We actually did marriage counseling before our wedding, which I was like, well because it was required to get because we got married to the church, obviously was required, but I was actually really excited about it. It was during COVID, so like we had to do it in our house, and like we had to sit in the house all day for two days together and like talk through hard things that you would never want to talk about in general, Like you when you got to a date night, you don't want to bring up the hard stuff. And when you because you don't see each other all the time, you want to have a good conversation. But um, it kind of like taught us how to have these discussions and it did flat out ask about kids, religion, um, parenting, and like, I feel like there's definitely gonna be things that we disagree on, which is that's obviously normal and it's going to be challenging, but hearing each other out on like how you're going to move forward and how you both can like you know, um compromise and like, okay, I can do this if we can, you know, I don't know. I think that I'm glad that we we did do that because we've talked about a lot of hard stuff. There's still stuff I'm like, I don't know what to do, Like I'm already nervous to like breastfeed and do all this stuff, but like schooling, I'm like, oh my god, what about school? Like obviously you take a day this day at a time, and but I'm glad. I do suggest anyone out listening do marriage counseling before you get married. Steve and I did that. We did the we got the pre kin in questions from a Catholic friend and we went through those. Do you remember that? Honestly, very impactful experience for you, But it was like a questionnaire. Yeah, it had like I can't even It was like thirty six question questions and a lot of deep questions, not just like how do you like your meals? Like would you pull wet pine squirrel legs that your kids shot and throw them in hot oil? And no, I would only eat a rotistory. Here's a good example. It's like how stern your parenting style might be. Are you going to spank or take your belt off and whoop your kids if if he does X thing or not? You know, that's a one we went into and then all of a sudden there's a spanking, But we went into it spankers and then agreed at a rout at about the same time that we were out of here. We're out of the spanking. So it's like we would have never predicted, right, That's why there's a little bit of sort of like finding a reasonable person, Like earlier are just saying like how could you not talk about the main stuff? But isn't it weird that we would have both thought in principle that like spanking was the way to go, and then that on when they're too being like the return on investment in spanking, It's like diminishing returns, like are you really going to keep like, are you really willing to get into arms race with how hard you're going to smack your kids? But once they started like you spank them, they kind of look at you like, the hell was that the last time banked? The last time I spanked one of our kids is when they turned around and laughed at me, And I was like, Okay, well, clearly that's not hard enough. I don't want to figure out what the right heart is like that just make you spanking your kids right now? It does make me because you're so sweet, I could imagine it. They're they're way too they won't even know what to make of that anymore. But all right, you've you've now made our listeners perfect parents. But let's go back to like when there's traveling happening around hunting, what are the specific anxieties you have when your spouse is gone, Like is there a certain hunt or a certain situation that stresses you out more than others? I I know what Shelby's answer is going to be to this, Yeah, as you might have predicted it being very on brand for Spencer to be incredibly cautious, he is so risk averse. He'll like pull me away from edges on hikes and he's ridiculously careful, yet he still managed to fall out of a tree stand and cut open his side. And then when he calls me about it, he's like, oh, I'm going to drive to a hospital in our insurance network, Like are you are you still? Yeah, no way, you are driving to the small town e Er that's ten miles away and I won't hear anything about it. And then he agrees a little too quickly, and I'm like, oh, it's bad. So you know, even with Spencer being safe there, it's dangerous. Like you guys are in a very compromised situation. Yeah, I've recognized that. Um, when I'm now going on a hunt where too like involves getting up in a tree, I get more be careful and are you okay? Uh than than any other time that amount. So what about for the rest of you, what are like the most anxious trips? I mean, I think we had a conversation a long time ago about like being in the back country and it's dangerous, and then we came to the conclusion that it's more dangerous to get in your car and your driveway, like this is not something I mean, I'm not like, I don't know what you think about that anymore, but yeah, I think it evolves over time. I mean, we've been together a while now, um so how long carried? I think twenty years? God one, but who's counting together? We've been married. We lived in sin for a while, that's six years. I actually think they're the best relationship advice is to live in for a while, livingson ill. Yeah, I think anytime you're out alone, you're always like and now that we can commun kate yea in reach or even if you're out of service, that's changes that a little bit. But um, Brodie's also very safety conscious, so that gives me a lot of I don't I don't get as anxious as I probably want to. But I'll say, for me, like thinking about it on my own end, is single engine aircraft still like it's still in the back of my head looking the other way. I don't want to get too much details because I want to pick a fresh scab. You're gonna think you're gonna take this the wrong way. You're gonna take this the wrong way. One time out of town recently, and I get back and Katie's telling about meeting some guy in a restaurant, like, how how in the world you meet a guy in a restaurant. She's like, he just came up and started talking to me, and she's like telling me about some other unrelated thing. But I'm like focused on he came up and talk to you. Do you know what I mean? And not that I'm like worried about what I'm just like, what was in his mind? That ship bugs, that stuff bugs. Okay, that is really off topic and ridiculous, and we'll definitely pick that up later. But to be right, but the I honestly don't like to know where Steve is or what he's doing. Like most of the time people say, like, what's he doing, I'm like, I don't. Calendar says like moose you know or whatever. But but I don't like to know because for for long enough I worried a lot, and especially without hearing from him on any kind of regular basis, I just didn't like, I don't want to live like that. And so knowing now there is a newfound passion or relatively new found passion for spear fishing, which is um he's learning and is dangerous free diving. Fine, I don't want to know like I would rather just be like you go, you have fun, you make your best um decisions. I've told him that if he that I want him to think about like I want in his mind, if he has a moment like underwater or whatever, like I can do this thing and that seems risky, but I think I can do it, or I should probably take the safe path that I want him to know that if he dies, I am going to take his life insurance money and all of his hard earned savings, and I am going to marry a guy that he would despise. I'm going to spend that money doing things that he would hate. Whip this man and our children. She was laying uside me the other day. I told her, I just think you need to marry my buddy Pooter. Paint a picture for his Katie and who this uh new husband would be? Like? What big sports fan? We'd go to lots of sports games. We would ski, probably on weekends, golf. We would definitely go live on a golf course. Maybe we would probably move to a golf course. We would stay at resort. Would you start decorating your home with those signs that say like, uh, like home is where? Know what? You know what? I respect people's design choices. If that's what they want to do, that is fine. But I would take all of steve skulls and we would get rid of all of them. All of the hides would be gone, and the kids wouldn't hunt sink in. Steve some fish down and I'm like that fish can I'm just gonna let him be. I don't need to go down they're looking for that fish. It sounds like we would get along well with this, Uh Steve two point oh. I might have met him at a restaurant. Jennifer, is there an outing for you that bothers you more than others? When when Yanni is gone? You know, I have to be honest. We lived in Colorado for years and years, and uh, I did a bunch of feel work in the Sierra and the grizz thing definitely gives me fast because we never lived in grizzly country until moving up here to Montana. And um it seems that even though Montana is a very large state, when Janest likes to go archery hunting, he picks the most grizzly infected infested watershed in the entire state. It's like, that's where I'm gonna go, Like, really that one right beside? Okay, that's fine, great there, we might have to bleep some of that out. So, yeah, those are the ones that give me a little pause. And he's had a couple of interactions with Chris, so that one makes me really nervous too. Yeah, Kelsey, for you, is it like, is it boats? Is it planes? Is it the back country? What is Seth do that makes you nervous? Um, I don't know if it's a bad thing that I'm pretty calm about all that. I really it doesn't bother me. I trust him, and I also understand that it's a high risk lifestyle and it's you know, accidents are prone to happen, But um, you know, I trust his capabilities and I don't worry about it too much. The only thing that does freak me out, and this has nothing to do with him, And I don't even really know like how safe this is or not. It's just me projecting. Ice freaks me out. Ice fishing, I don't totally reasonable. Now, it's it's obvious how like a family's impacted when a significant other has gone haunting, But what about the reentry into the home? Uh? We we heard Katie you talk about how like Steve is not getting the welcome home that a soldier would after being in Iraq for a year. It's funny mention because one day I said, You're lucky I'm not in the army. What are you even talking about? What is the thing that you think your spouse does well when it comes to these trips happening? Like, where is an area that you think they are excelling? Uh? That you like feel very good about what they're doing before a trip, happens after a trip, happens during a trip. Danielle, you have anything that Chester is like really nailed Yeah. Honestly, I feel like when he first started working from Eater, I think he was didn't know what what to expect, and so he was really nervous obviously, And from what I've seen him, like where he's at now after working here for I think two years now, Um, he I feel like it has become way more organized in a way. I think he's nailed at because for his job particular, you have to be organized. You have to you have to be able to manage a lot of different things going on, and that was not his when I first met him. Oh, I was like, Wow, this is gonna be good for you. You're gonna learn so much. And I will say, honestly, I'm very proud of like how he manages what he manages, and like when he gets stressed, how he manages his stress and um, obviously I'm just like super rooting for him just to keep keep going and working hard and um just learning different techniques to even perfect even more. Like and one thing about him is like, you know, some times he um if he doesn't know how to do something or he feels stuck, he wants to figure out himself versus just asking for help, which I'm opposite. I'm like, Okay, I need some help, you know. So I love that he's like learning to um just you know, keep getting better and like learning different skills. Kelsey, what is Seth doing well when it comes to leaving for trips like this? Um? Well, One thing that as I'm sitting here thinking about this episode, I think is important to note is we are talking about this from a work perspective. Most people listening to this are thinking about hunting as like the extracurricular there. It's not like they're nine to five. Um. But with that being said, what Seth does well? Um, and this has been key for us, and this is he like systems are very important to us in our relationship. And that's something that he fostered in the beginning. So like we have very clear expectations, very clear systems. We know what we're getting into as far as communications, Like we are very good with the front end stuff like Yanny, you were talking about, um talking about all this stuff ahead of time. That's something that is very important to him, Um, that he's brought into our relationship. Carry what does Brody get right when it comes to leaving for hunting? Yeah, I mean a lot of the same stuff leaving a hunt plan. I know exactly where he is. I get the on X point. Um really yeah? Is that commonplace for for everyone here? Like that's a good market for on X man market that have on X marriage. Yeah, you can track them. There's a tracker on your phone. Restaurant. I want to know about what's going on. I'll drop some way points for Jennifer trail ahead for me. It's more so that if if Shelby UM didn't know where I was hunting. She would know who to ask, who would know where I was hunting. She would like contact my buddy Dylan, who would know, like the exact tree I'm in, or the exact drainage I mean, or where I'm camping. But usually you just know that I mean like a state somewhere. Yeah, you should. We should probably let Dylan in on that part of He's like part of our system here and he should probably know that. But yeah, I'd like to know general, but I would also be a nervous wreck if I knew specifics. Jever had to leave, But she was wanted to chime in that she'd like it if like all the dinners were pre cooked before I left. But what would she compliment you on? What do you think from her prospect? She wasn't interested in that question. Boy, I don't know if I'm gonna be all to answer that for you, Spencer, what think you do well? And getting ready for leaving on a trip or when you come back? Like what are you? What do you do well? And uh, you know, I think you feel as though, like Brodie said, it's not like you've been on vacation for a week. You come back, you're tired, but yeah, there's no like going and being like I'm gonna sleep in tomorrow morning. You gotta just get up at six and start making breakfast and get kids up and just you know, roll roll right back into the zone, which I think I feel like I do that, you know I don't. I'm not going to be like lazy around the house for a day, Katie. Do you have any compliments for Steve on on what he gets right? He gets the first like five hours home really well, like you nail it. It's like you're so excited to see everybody and you missed everybody and hugs for everybody, and then you start, you know, as in your words earlier, pissing on the posts all over takes about Usually you get home at night, so it's like you go to bed and then you wake up and then you start tinkering around. But those furst when you first get you are delightful. And then I get up and go out in the garden. I'm like, sons of bitches, nobody's done any waiting? What about where where could your spouse improve on? Like making these trips easier? And I don't I don't get to say, I don't get to say what a well, please, no, I want to say I want to say what my wife? Okay? Yeah, so you know, like we're always mad at each other about something what's right? Just just like stupid ship. But no, I was mad about that a long time ago. But here's the thing that that I think it's important. The main thing is like there's no one in the world that I trust more then my wife. Like if something really bad happened, that's absolutely who i'd call. There's no one i'd rather have like my kids, or like an eye toward what they needed, or like she would take a bullet for him. If I had an enemy, she'd want to cut their fucking hands off, do you know what I mean? Like it's like that's right, Like that's the main thing. And all the stupid fights and ship I mean, they just come and go. But like the main thing is like, do you like who's the main person you would trust to like have your family? You you know what I mean? Like who's at the wheel? If I ever thought and if I ever felt like that, Like if I ever felt if I ever doubted that aspect of like do I trust the driver? Right, it would make all that other stuff very different yeah, but it's always there, right. I've heard him talk about this before. There was one time we were out having a nice dinner and, um, everyone's having a nice evening until Steve started asking people what the best part of their marriage was. And then someone asked, Steve, do you remember what Your answer was, No, I don't remember that. This is how I got in a fight with Kal. Yes, And it was the night that Cal got in the fight with Brodie. There's many uncomfortable people there. Anyway, it was kept the past. It was when I think it was when Campfire Stories. It was it was the celebration dinner for Campfire Stories, and there was like a couple of fights. One of the main fights that Browny Cow got it over was the Elk management plan, Like really he did, and personal if people started kind of looking around like Jesus really, Yeah, Steve was asking everyone fashion what like the best part of their marriage was. And Steve's answer was that not only are Katie and Steve on the same page, but they're on like the same word on the same page when it comes to parenting, um, and just all the things around that. And so that was exactly what you just explained. Again, you feel the same way about that, Katie, do Yeah. I think I mean not to just we are getting very personal, but not to get super personal about our relationship. But the I think we our fights stem from where we perceive weakness and one another, which is, you know, everybody, don't get married to her, ask and then get a little sick, get married and catch COVID. Holy sh it, dude, it's like you had an affair. But but the flip side of that is that like, I trust him, he's strong, he's capable, he's loyal, like things that I know he feels about me. Um, and we expect. We have very high expectations of each other, sometimes punishing, punishingly high expectations of each other, and most of the time that is to a good end. Sometimes it's punishing. Now I want to hear about where we can improve as the person leaving home to go hunting. Uh, And I want us to predict first, like what our spouse is going to say that we could be better about. I think that Shelby would say I could improve on getting her a more firm schedule. Oftentimes it'll be like I'm going in mid October to Wyoming to analope punt uh, and I'll be like, I will be gone sometime between the tenth and fifteenth and get home sometime between the I recognize that's a very hard thing to plan for when you're the other person in the equation not knowing like what this five day window is in a fifteen day stretch. So I think that's something that if you could make a request, would be that I get better about my scheduling and giving you more firm dates. Yes, I don't think that's realistic, like at all. So many of your hunts depend on the hunt prior, right, Like whether or not you're even going to go to Wyoming depends on if you get your archery buck in South Dakota or whatever. I um, I guess if I had to pick one thing I wish you were better at. I wish I just got to do more fun things with you in the fall, right, like, we do fun things all the time, will go camping whenever we want. We're very not tied down down anything, so we get to be a little spontaneous. And I don't get to do the cute cie like fall things, right, I don't get to go out picking. We never carved a jack O lantern. I want to do that, suf. I'm not happy about it either. I know I would love Halloween costume contest, Yes I would. I would hardcore be into it if it wasn't in November. So it's just the reality of it. Though, Danielle, what could Chester do better when he listened to this episode? What's he going to learn that he could improve on? M This is a tough one. He's that good or there's a lot of things that he can improve on. No, I mean, like I think, well, he doesn't hunt as much as he liked to. It's mainly everything I've talked about is work because that is like it's on a hunt. A lot of you guys, your troops are hunts. So that is what I consider his his hunt schedule. When he's home, he doesn't really hunt, at least he hasn't in a while. Like, Okay, yes, I liked he fishes all the time. It's fishing for all you guys you're hunting, it's fishing for Chester. So he fishes all the time. So I guess to be honest, now that just all like clicked. Um. I would say a schedule is great because he's always like he always comes up to me and he's like real nice. He's like, do we have any plants? Because I don't think he did, because I was going to go fishing. But if you don't want me to go, I'll stay. Like I wish I just knew more of Like I know, there's spontaneous trips and he can't control it. But it is nice when especially for my schedule because I'm so busy as well. It's just be nice and like, hey, I'm gonna be gone for five days this day fishing. Somewhere at least I knew, like, okay, sweet, you'll be gone. Let's try to get let's try to do something before you leave. You and Kelsey should share a calendar so then instead of like getting of the picture from your husband's, you'd get the picture. No, we do. We do that because there is fish together. Half time they're fishing together anyways a lot always Yeah, yeah, now we do that, Kelsey. What could Seth do better? Um, well, I've been talking about like our systems and our plans. Everything that actually has worked out to the point where I don't have a lot of gripes. Um. The only thing that's been like a problem. And this only applies to meat eater work trips. Honestly, Like I I love to hunt too, So when Seth is hunting personally, I'm there, so this is like not a personal hunt problem. But when he's going on a work trip, it's very A lot of times the turnaround between these things is like one day, so it just naturally happens, and it's a lot of times not this is out of his control that there's like a tornado of ship left around the house just because he's like in and out that only one person is left to like handle So that's the only thing that gets to me sometimes. But we talked about it and it's gotten a lot better. Carrie tell Brodie how he can improve well the the stuff lying around the house when they get home with like the dump that thing. He knows that, But you know, I thought of one other thing that Brodie doesn't really dump it in the yard. But then that's still got to be the awning or something. I don't know, Well I got dump in the house. But you know what does one thing he does do well is he puts equal energy into planning outings and doing things for our family and getting those trips together, and that means everything they're supposed to be talking about something bad. I know, but I missed that part earlier. But it is. And it's really like when we're doing ups, which we do all summer long, we do all fall. He really puts like he puts the whole thing together, He gets the food together, he does a lot of that's that work, and that's a important to our whole family. It really is a lot of our fun and good times and memories around that. Janni, we're gonna needed to role play here. What would your wife say that you could improve on when you're going on a hunting trip. Just have the whole house spick and span and have seven meals pre prepared with little instructions. Request like that something that you can pull off and that she would use to imagine that changed the whole dynamic. Man, I know, but it might be like Yanni needs a whole extra day before a trip to to do multiple Yeah. Yeah, it's it's that's a lot of work to make meals. You know what if you just make a double batch of things when you're triple and then just save one for the trip. We do that. Just this is from someone who doesn't cook. So you know, when someone dies and in your neighbors bring over like a thing it's got. It just says like three degrees, you know, a minute degrees and ship just do all that a meal train. That's what they call special drawer to put him in in the freezer and yeah, Monday drawer, Tuesday drawer. I always said that we should start a little meat eater spinoff reality show called Wives of Meat Eater. Yeah, what would people witness? What? What would be like the entertainment there? Oh? Man, I don't know. It actually would probably be very boring in you know, in reality, but I like it, Katie. What what can Steve improve on for these trips? I think the extending that wonderful five hour appreciation period to just when he's home could be nice and instead of But I do think I think the thing that he does well, which is also a tip that I think has changed, are at least in the planning, which has been so hard to know, Like, okay, he always puts things on the calendar at the he like over promises. What is the what am I trying to say? He over under promises, over delivers um. He will say I'm going to be gone for ten days and then sometimes he'll come back and eight and then it's always like, oh, that's great and unexpected, not when you have a nest. Well that's true, yeah, but that has been That's actually been a big game changer for us because when it was eight days and he didn't get it done and needed to stay too extra, those two extra were like the straw that broke the camel's back. So always, you know, fudget a little and then come back early, even if it was never planned. What you come home early, usually you'll you'll promise more. You'll say you're going to be gone longer than than you are. Yeah, that's just being smart though, like the hot tip, it took ten years. And I blame Shelby for when I do that. If I come home after three days and I was supposed to be gone five, I tell her she made the home too comfortable. That makes me not want to leave it. That's her fault. That's cute. Did the rest of you spouses get to participate in like Halloween costume parties and carving pumpkins and Christmas shopping during the fall or is that also just like dude? This year I grew the damn hompkins. Are they coming along? Yeah, they're not like state fair winners. But but you did it so you didn't have to go with me. That's a hot tip because she likes to go those those places where you go like you know, get your like whatever. Man. Yeah, I'm gonna make her a little I'm gonna make I've growing her pumpkins. I'm gonna make a little Scavengers hunt four in the yard. Her friend was saying, I should do like a lit face painting booth and face painter and have like my own little Halloween thing and then don't need to have like cider and ship and then I can just get all that taken care of about my house and I need to go to some fake pumpkin patch. You are all invited, and we can do it when Spencer is around. Can we have that schedule? Yeah? I don't. I don't even I don't. I don't have any I can't. I don't really honest to see any real areas for improvement. I mean no, no, no, I have massive No, no, I have massive areas for improvement. I don't like, I don't really like. I mean, I have like little gripes and stuff, but there's no like sort of fundamental thing that that ought to be different. You know, I disagree our most recent argument where you just were like, you're being a bit, let's stop being a bit, and I was like, you're right, I'm being a bit, so just in the general sense of yeah, called out. It was about like figure it out, our fish shack. This is a lot of complicated accounting. At the end of the summers, we haven't. It takes a lot of balls off. I've never actually, you know, because here's I want to wrap it up. It was only after I called him she called me every name in the book and was like insulting um, like like the dumbest guy on the planets. I can't figure out certain math things right, and and I like gave her a little taste of her medicine, to which she said, you're right. Eventually took some convincing. That's kind of an awkward way to end it, Spencer, sorry about that. It's it's good. Just choose your moment to call your spouse a bit and maybe it'll work. Don't do that. The word she called me, I was like, Later she's like, I said, you're being a and I said that you know you left off you left off the being a. Yeah, she said you are A and I was like, but I was saying, like, if you said you're being a, that's totally fine, but don't say I am A because that feels like really like that cuts. We all have areas for improvement. In particular there you have all that marriages No mine, man, I'm in too deep now. Um. Yeah, I honestly think that there's a lot of things that come out of I think if you travel a lot and do and do stuff, I feel like there's probably plenty of people who can't manage their marriage and they never go anywhere. Yeah, do you know what I mean. I think it's like it's like trouble's gonna Trouble's gonna find you and and it's gonna find whatever the thing you have going on. Yeah, if you allow hunting to cause a bunch of big problems, if you're probably in trouble already, Probably in trouble already. But but like, uh, I think I shared this perspective from and Katie totally disagrees. Me and my friend Tony one time were, um, it had taken all of our kids clam digging which how many how many kids they have four or three? He's got a bunch of them. We took clam digging. This is fighting on the same trip. He had his kids in one of those backpack deels. I forgot to buckle it in so a little kid and he bent over to dig a clam that kids right out of water. Anyways, you're like you gotta saying earlier. I always feel good if I'm out with all my kids. Can I feel like I'm not doing anything bad? Right, so I'm being a good dad. We're outside like it's just you feel great. Um. And then we were gone super late and I remember got pulled over by a policeman and we both got a little bit. We both got kind of yelled at over the phone, like his wife called and kind of yelled at him. My wife called, kind of yelled at your kids. Will were little little bit and um, Tony said to me, Katie hates this quote. Tony said to me, Man, if we were the way they wanted us to be, they wouldn't like us, which I think we'd like him a lot more actually, but yeah, it brings up I don't know, I think it, Uh, it brings up interesting stuff. Marriage is fun, though, man um, I'd hate it. I wouldn't want to go through life not being married, not to hack on people that aren't married. I mean it's great, but I'm just saying for me personally, I think it'd be miserable. I would be miserable not being married. So I have a good hunting season, no asterday trying to stay married. He's all these tips. He's Yanni's tip where you bake all these special dishes and leave instructions on him. Use Brodie's trick where you come home and put everything neat and organized outside where no one has to deal with it. You know, Spencer's trick where he comes and just lays in the nest, talks about how great the nest is. I don't embrace it. He despises the nests and and everyone and everyone will be fine, all right? Uh? Thanks tuning in as always, And oh you know what, I forgot to give the best marriage advice ever. Cornett McCarthy doesn't actually say this, but feels roll in his eyes. It wouldn't be an episode of The Mediator podcast without a Corrine McCarthy coke mo, it's not it's not a corn McCarthy quote. It's a way that things work. In Corn McCarthy's books. The worst thing you can do, if you're like the way to the worst thing you can do as a character and a Corine McCarthy novel is act as though you didn't make a decision that you made. Once you make a decision to go down a path, there is no room to later sort of act like you hadn't made that decision, Like you cannot live a false reality because you'll die violently in his books. In real life, you'll suffer mightily. That's all. Wait, what's the advice that own it? Own it if you make a commitment. You made a commitment. A lot of good reasons for people to get divorced if they choose to do that. But yeah, I own it if you can. Sure we somehow made a more awkward ending at you're talking about how you should call your spouse a bit being a all right body. Thanks a lot to the pe
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